Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
