Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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