What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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