So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
