Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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