ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My nipple is on Facebook.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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