Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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