halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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