I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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