I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
