So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
