I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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