in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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