if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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