Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
