I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize