U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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