Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
