id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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