You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
