New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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