Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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