I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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