Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
