I think my fart just growled at me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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