Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this boner is exhausting
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who died my cat blue again?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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