she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
