Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
