It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He better not be in your backpack
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
