the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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