if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
