I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
