Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
