Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
