oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
