During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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