my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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