So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
