Heybabeimwearingurpanties
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
