I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Enjoy the penises
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
