just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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