I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
