I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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