Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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