I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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