I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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