Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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