So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
