he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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