I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
