a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
