I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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