I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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