after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
