the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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