so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
