y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
