even my farts smell like vagina
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
