ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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