She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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