Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
