wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
