There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
