Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
