dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
