New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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