Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
