I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
