i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
