Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
