I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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