there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
