I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
