i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
