she looked like the before picture.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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